Looky Looky.

2009-08-24T13:09:00.001-07:00

Out of commission.

It's Never/ Always Been the Same

2009-08-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

DUDE. Vacation is so super nice. I remember reading a post by Kelsey when she was on vacation once and was like "wow that sounds really awesome. I would like to be on one of those" and now I am!

There's something about coming back to this Chatham beach house that just makes me so content and happy it almost physically hurts me. Not often am I able to just sit on the couch with nothing to do and be perfectly relaxed and happy. There's nothing pulling at me (other than AP work but I finished Death of a Salesman this morning so bite me), no pressure to go here or there, no real need to do anything. Oh my god it's awesome.

About an hour and a half ago I opted to take a walk to the beach which is about 2/3 of a mile down the road and chiggity check out the stars RATHER THAN play scrabble with my family.** When I arrived at the beach I observed how erosion had brought the waters nearly three feet from the pavement of the parking lot then walked down the shore to a more spacious area for me to lay undisturbed by other people/police occifer authority figures and where there weren't any street lights or that riffraff.

The beach is all well and good for relaxing in the sun but my favorite time to go is at night when the waves are like pleasant background conversation to the entertainment that is the stationary sky. The longer I sat there, the more my eyes adjusted to the new found darkness the more stars I was able to see. It seems the more I just sat the more things were revealed to me in general. They were laid out in front of me as I laid out in front of them and on my isolated Cape everything was just dandy, without a worry of repercussions. Cool.

**I'm going to reference another one of Kelsey's vacation posts and say that my family went to bed pissed off and tired because of stupid scrabble.. luckily I wasn't a part of it. A few years back it was my New Years Resolution to NOT play scrabble. decided I hated it that year (on the Cape actually) when I was dominating David (who is a better speller than me in the first place) at a rousing game and my Dad thought he would be a great ol' Dad to one of us and play on Dave's team. I lost that game... and Scrabble has never been the same.

Nothing is Easy

2009-08-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

My dad has always done little projects around the house. Most of the time he says "why pay for someone else to do something you can do yourself?" but often he will admit that he enjoys, what he would call, his contribution to the family. The funny thing is that he always runs into some kind of problem along the way... pretty much without fail. He sits there and ponders a way around it. Whenever he can get my ear he will explain the situation thoroughly and finish with a pause, sigh and then say "Nothing is easy."

Though my old man acts exasperated it's clear that the extra challenge just makes the whole thing more appealing to him. It's not that he hopes for problems... he just likes solving them.. because when he does it just makes the line through the particular "to-do" more definite and meaningful (word choice? W/E).

Nothing is easy. It really is true.

My hope of the day is that I will be able to understand people better. And when I don't understand them.. to not get all mad and whatnot.

Who Knows? Not I.

2009-08-12T09:39:00.001-07:00

I just finished Friendly House work and now I'm waiting to go do work at Main South Club. I'm listening to the song Babe I'm Gonna Leave You by Led Zeppelin. It really gets me how much I like some of these older bands. HEYO fact of the day... a large portion of Led Zeppelin's songs were not actually written by the band. They were old relatively unknown blues songs that they redid. Interesting I know. Anyways it's a beautiful song that I started learning at one point and never actually finished because I could never sing along to it. But maybe I will be able to these days. Who knows. Not I. Yet.

Grab Some Squeezing Room

2009-08-11T19:26:00.001-07:00

It just kind of hit me that I'm going to the Cape on Saturday. That's around one week with my family in my grandparent's Chatham house, a fifteen minute walk from a secluded beach. Though I'm going to be doing a ton of AP work (I just enrolled into Literature and Composition) I am really looking forward to the whole trip. Everytime I go to the Cape I get some serious think time done which is really good.

Also my family gets along really well while we're on the cape. When I say my family I mean the immediate one. I'm kind of bummed my mom is bringing the laptop though... Sometimes I think not having this is the reason why we get along so well there. Plus my dad might have to come home and work all week if he doesn't have reception. :-{( Oh well. It would actually be quality if I could just be down there by myself for a week before or after my family gets there. For some reason I have a feeling I would be really super productive and like it. But who knows... maybe I would just sit around all day and watch TV and eat candy from the Candy Manor.

However happy I am to take this little trip.. I'm kind of sad that it's coming up so fast. I have a bad feeling I'm not going to be able to squeeze enough in before I leave. Oh well.

The Stars I Could Never Understand

2009-08-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

I just got back from walking down the street where I was playing out a really morbid scene.

I pictured me walking down the street with my hands in my pockets thinking about this or that, staring at my growing shadow as I walked away from the street light. Naturally I would look back to see the place I have known nearly my whole life and ponder how the darkness is like an old friend trying hard to keep something from you. When I turned my head around a dark relaxed silhouette would be standing in front of me, one hand at his side another clearly pointed in my direction. Upon closer inspection I would realize it was a dark but certain handgun looking right at my chest. I wouldn't move, paralyzed by my own inability to grasp the situation that I never thought would happen 50 yards from my home. I would slowly lift my hands upright, level with my shoulders, in a submissive gesture. He would slowly move toward me, his power growing with every step but never would his face been revealed, hidden by the light of the streetlight behind him. He would say in a distant but quiet voice "Don't you say a fucking word... now I want you to put your hand into your pocket, take out your wallet and any money you have and slowly put them on the ground in front of you." It would take a second for me to process what he said but it would click and I would follow the instructions silently. After I had bent over placing my wallet on the ground gently I would lift my body upright looking at the face I could not see. For a second nothing would happen but then he would straighten the arm pinning me to the spot so that gun was pointed directly at my forehead and he would pulled the trigger putting a deathly red crater in my forehead.

I wouldn't crumple on the ground sideways. I would fall directly backwards and any remaining life left behind my eyes would be gazing up at the stars I could never understand through the fluttering leaves of an oak tree. And the man would stoop over, pick up my wallet and jog into the woods from whence he came.. away to a life no one would ever think had anything to do with mine.

That kind of freaked me out. But more made me say whoa. Because anything can happen in this life. Sorry if this weirded people out.. I almost didn't post this but why not share my dark imagination?

Not None Good

2009-08-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

I have been pretty happy today. I think some people are just supposed to be friends and when they're not it's just no good.

I've come to really like Futuresex/ Lovesounds.

Yesterday I went on a hike with George for like... 4 hours. It was really nice. George has a lot to say about things and can be very eloquent with his words. He is also a good guy. That is that.

The song of the day is Coffee, God and Cigarettes by Mischief Brew. It's really catchy and yeah it's really catchy.

Brya Diehl

2009-08-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a very nice talk with Kate while going to get pizzas for her partayay. I was kind of reminded how much I'm changing and have changed over the past months. It's really strange. I wouldn't say I'm content with myself but I certainly don't practice self-loathing or anything. The thing is if I was watching myself now a year ago I would not be a very happy camper. I need to start caring more about people and myself. When a situation arises that I find uncomfortable I avoid it. Even though I avoid it still think about it and it bothers me. So recently I've started just saying "fuck it" and doing stupid things for no reason. I still have drive to do well in things like school and life and work and stuff but... I don't even know! Basically Bryan Diehl is a foreign concept.

My n button is not working so I need to lift my right index finger up and hammer down on it everytime I need to use the n key.

I Guess

2009-08-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was interesting. I was in a situation where a kid was not acting like himself. It wasn't the typical "he's trying really hard to be impressive". In fact, it was the exact opposite. It showed how much he tries to overcompensate during his normal moods. It was funny at first because he was being really goofy and crazy around us but then I thought about what he would say if he saw himself in his normal state. Thinking about it, he would probably be really embarassed and nervous. Things he has clearly been trying very very hard to repress were bubbling up to the surface through what he was saying.

It sucks when people can't just be who they are. It's hard enough to figure out who you are without fighting anything. Oh well. That's life I guess.

JAHN CAHNUH

2009-08-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from West Boylston Cinema's three dollar tuesday shabang-a-bang. I went with Parker and David to see THE TERMINATOR: SALVATION.

...

"JAHN CAHNUH!!!"

It was a whole lot of fun. I really liked my company. David's just the man and Parker has always just been really really fun to be around. I'm going to miss people next year.

Not a whole lot happened today. I took four naps (three of which were at work and the one at home was two hours long) and I got to level 10 on the new Nazi Zombies map (probably my most proud moment of the day.. so much so that I texted David). Yeah good day.

Also I'm not going to be doing a picture of the day or anything... that's a picture of a door I took in Colorado.. and I like it.

Splendor and Wonder and Splendor

2009-08-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

The Clouds in Colorado were always awesome. I think it might have been because we were in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains and the winds were pushing the clouds up against them. But I would have thought that weather clouds would have been coming from the West and we were on the East side of the mountains... Maybe it was just the week who knows...

And I thought my mom's little digital camera did a pretty nice job capturing their splendor and wonder and splendor.

The Moth's Wings

2009-08-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

Alright so... I'M BACK here in Holden Massachusetts.

There was so much stuff that went on in Colorado that I don't even want to begin to try and get into it on this blog. The posts would be endless and I kind of want to just do the daily thing. So if you want to hear about it that bad just let me know and we can have a nice long face to face chat about it.

So today something truly tragic happened. I really find this kind of disturbing so if you're an insect lover close this tab or page or whatever.

This afternoon I got up from the computer to go do something unimportant upstairs and saw that there was a small moth perched on the dead center of my t-shirt. Though I don't really have a fear of insects I think I've always had a slight natural aversion to them. But today I stopped and looked at the moth with a kind of fondness... maybe because it was so calm. I walked out the screen door and prodded it in hopes that I would scare it into flying away to a bigger less light-addicted home but it did not move. It took a few more pokes for the moth to release its grip however it did not bounce lazily across the air fulfilling the idealistic image I had creating in my head. Instead the moth fell to the next porch step, wings flailing hopelessly trying to gain control in the breezy air. I thought it very odd that the moth wouldn't fly away and would choose to allow itself to fall a good 4 feet to the hard cement.

Then I looked at the bottom of my shirt and saw a large amount of, what looked like, dust of some kind. My brain cross referenced the two (moth and dust) in my archives of useless information and pulled up the bit about how moth's wings produce dust for flight, protection from predators and warmth. My heart dropped with my eyes as I looked down at the little moth sitting on my step, wings flapping uselessly in the soft breeze. I stood there for probably three solid minutes hoping that by some miracle the moth would take flight, mocking my worry and fly about into the summer afternoon but it didn't. But it didn't. All that moved were its destroyed and now vestigal wings, moving back and forth with sicky July air.

I thought about this moth was going to do with life now that I had rendered its whole means of sustaining itself completely useless. It was only a matter of time before someone stepped on it, it being directly in the middle of the most commonly used enterance in my home. And as I stared there all I could think about was how it could no longer complete anything the typical moth was created to do (that being eating and reproducing).

Kind of distantly I felt something move my body over the step and I put my 165 pounds of weight on the moth and, prolonging the soft crunch that escaped from under it, slid my shod foot to the right killing it instantly. It was the worst thing I have felt in a long time. I can't really tell what made me feel so awful about it. It might have been that I admired the moth's bravery in the 17 seconds it took me to get out the screen door. Or how much thought I had put into the fact that it wasn't flying only to discover that it was because I had ruined all chances of it living a normal moth life. Or maybe because I was afraid that my instinct to "put it out of its misery" was wrong in that the moth could have recovered, or that it was simply sitting there enjoying the soft air. I don't even know it was awful. I can't even imagine being put in that position for a person. I shudder at the thought and am a little unnerved that my brain applied the situation another human.

Smell Yuh L8r

2009-07-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

"We'll be rubbing shoulders once again in the sun.
Come on."
-Badly Drawn Boy

I don't generally do quotes in here but I really like that one.

Have a nice week bloggy world.

A Distant Glow

2009-07-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

I am sorry if anyone is sick of hearing about my work but crazy stuff is going down.

This week has been nuts at Friendly House. As I might have mentioned before the program I am in is called Wheels to Water and it's struggling to say the least. To add to the many problems it's been experiencing one of my co-workers raped a twelve year old... yeah Wilfred Perez, a twenty four year old, smoked weed with his girlfriend's little sister and raped her while driving her home. I don't think it was all at the same time.. but he did all those things! It's pretty scary since his job description was watching after little kids all day.

It's all very strange because Wilfred seemed like a really nice guy when I met him during training. In fact, I think he was one of the only ones to go out of his way and shake hands and talk to me as well as other employees. He seemed kind of lame... like not many interesting things to say but very jovial and a pretty good guy. It's just strange.

One of the weirdest parts about the whole thing for me is that I am filling the position that he lost in the program... for raping a child. I'm taking his job basically. When I was first notified of this I felt kind of... dirty.. like we had something in common... having the same job and everything. But as I diligently watched the kids frolic in the pool I imagined a young Wilfred with all his friends playing, carefree and innocent. And I became very sad. I can't help but think the heinous act he committed wiped all of that innocence away, like the image of his childhood became blurred, or glowed rather as a time when his life wasn't broken, twisted or warped. It also changed the way I saw the children. When I first went to the South Worcester Neighborhood Center I was very surprised at how good the kids actually were. They all are so full of life and promise. It was a real wake up call for me to know that at least a few of them were doomed by their own future actions... that those moments in the pool laughing and playing were as accepted as they were going to be by society. I don't know. It was hard to think is such a stiflingly hot and humid room.

Anyways... Colorado for a week. Starting tomorrow. I'm going to be a missin'. Phoebe's blog the other day scared the crap out of me.

E Brake Slide

2009-07-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Last was a fun time. I didn't think it was going to be but it turned out good. The guys I was with are into the whole "rebellion against authority" thing. A few months back it was a bit annoying because they kind of went overboard with it all but now I'm pretty sure they've settled in and, thus, they are a lot more fun to hang out with. We wound up doing e-brake slides throughout the Rutland State Park dirt roads and wound up coming out in Barre or Templeton or something. Then we went to Pizza 17.

I could never live with such apathy. It's certainly fun to just not care and be all "fuck the system" for an evening every once and again but living like that would be such a downward spiral. Simply bitching about things to unrealistic ends is just dumb. I'm having a lot of trouble putting down what I mean to say.. but basically as much as greater society demands some pretty ridiculous things life is life and some things you just have to deal with.. like the man.

Wow that came out really clear.

Until I Grow Up

2009-07-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

What a long long day. Mondays are always the busiest because paperwork comes in from all the different sites Friendly House delivers lunches to. After all the paperwork on Mondays, Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays are reviewed my work is basically done and I can just chillax brotime it up summah oh nine for the rest of the week.

But since it's Monday there was tons to do... visiting sites, doing paperwork and talking to Boss number 2 who told me she needed me from 2-5 after regular work. (Sometimes I don't even feel like explaining my work situation on this blog because it's so incredibly silly and confusing but WHATEVS.) I accepted because.. cough cough dollah dollah billz and drove over to the South Worcester Neighborhood Center to do my supervisor duties.

Overall it was very unorganized getting the kids to the pool, changed and wristbanded... but it's cool because nobody died. Picture the typical pool scene in a movie with young kids.. how they're all screaming and yelling and pushing and chasing each other and some are obliviously snorkeling in the corner and one is trying to drown another. I didn't really know what to do because there were lifeguards there and they pretty much had it covered so I just sat there doing nothing... saying nothing for about two hours... but it's cool because nobody died. I have said that twice because.... I really thought someone was going to die.

Kids are so great. I didn't take Psychology, haven't read about Psychology or am even signed up for any Psychology classes next year BUT if I were a psychologist that afternoon I would say that kids are just pure personality that they're born with and I love it. There was this one painfully crossed eyed boy with glasses who kept looking up at us supervisors and asking us different polite questions about our schedule which was pretty simple... go to the pool change and get in. When he was in the pool he kept making monsters out of his hands and arms and battling them vigorously in the tumultuous water. When I looked back over in his direction he was looking in my general direction and I waved smiling. It took a few seconds for his weak and struggling eyes to make out what I was doing then he beamed, waved and asked how I was doing.

"I'm good, man. How are you?"
"WHAT?!"
"I said I'm good! How are you?!" Bending forward, the most movement I'd done in an hour.
"Oh!" He gave me a huge thumbs up and said "Great! Just trying to live good until I grow up!" and then shook his glorious thumbed up hand in the air and when back to battling.

That was by far the best thing that happened to me all day.

"Kind of Blue" by Miles Davis down Main Street. The coulds were such a smooth, dark color at sun down but their edges were the clearest I've ever seen them. It looked like Holden lay in a valley hugged by mountains hiding behind thin but vast mist. It was so insane.

2009-07-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Check out that picture! If you like it, right on! If you don't sorry but it will be up for a bit because I'm really digging it. :-{O

Post Elsewhere Depression

2009-07-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

ALRIGHT time to blog. It's been weird. I haven't really felt that compelled to blog this week. I think it might have something to do with my tiredness. I have been feeling really bad for the people around me recently because I have just been tired. Mom always reminds me about how I was always a super cranky little toddler when I didn't have my nappy. Some things never change I guess. So forgive me anyone if I've been a bit of a biotch this past week.

It's a real shame that sleep isn't working itself into my summah oh nine schedule. In fact, I would love to say the statement "sleep '09" but it would just be misleading. That's pretty much the problemo with having to be at work at 7 and staying there til 1. I get a full afternoon of play, full nighttime with friends, full timesheet every other Wednesday but a quite not full night of sleep.

BUT This week has been pretty great. Cough cough.

I just started reading Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring today. I'm only on the prologue because I felt like coming down and blogging but I'm really liking it so far. Back in sixth grade I decided to read it for one of Mrs. Swalec's free reading assignments in the beginning of the year. Big mistake. It took me so long I had to break up the book and do all my free reading assignments on the Fellowship alone. Yeah it was a little dense for my sixth grade self. LUCKILY I'm armed with recently acquired eleventh grade knowledge and I'm going in for it FO REEZ.

Meeting someone like J.R.R Tolkien would be such an interesting experience. It seems like, even jsut from the prologue, that he completely surrounded himself with not only the tale of Frodo destroying dat fresh ring o' powah but with all of Middle Earth. I would love to ask him how he felt about the realosphere we live in. People always say "Writers can just create a world ot their own in their writing" but I'm pretty sure everyone pales in comparison to this dude. Jeff mentioned yesterday evening that after reading the Harry Potter books he would get "Post Harry Potter depression" because he would have to come back into this world and deal with the stuff writers tried to escape in their writing. WHOA MULTIPLE WORLDS.

Eye Dee Kay.

I've been listening to Whincing the Night Away recently after Emily put it on in the car and I'm really very impressed. David has always loved that album and it's been around but I think I've been subconciously scoffing it to myself as hipster indie trash so I don't look too much like a hipster... even though I really like Chutes Too Narrow... and I'm blogging right now. ?? Whatever. But yeah it's pretty good.

Four Tabs No Work

2009-07-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

So right now I'm at work. Yeah that's right I'M BLOGGING AT WORK OH EM GEE SO BEE AY ALL DAY.

But I don't think I'm really breaking tons of rules because boss went to some class for the day and the kid she left in charge over me is playing solitare on the other computer.

I didn't think that paperwork work would be so much like Office Space in real life. Obviously Office Space is an exaggeration... but right now the four internet tabs I have up are Blogspot, Facebook, Youtube and HypeMachine. Now don't think that I am putting off my work and fooling around on the computer. I finished all my number punching in record time and just kind of sat here idley while Matt ordered around all the slacker employees upstairs. "Hey Matt is there anything I can be doing right now?" "Not right now just hang tight." "...Alright..." I'm just sitting here... with no idea what work to do.

As much as it's like "hey I'm getting paid here to do nothing... this really isn't that bad" I'm kind of uncomfortable with it too. I'm pretty sure this program getting tons of government funding... which more or less means people's tax money is paying me to blog... and I'm pretty sure this is a very productive facility that gives tons back to the community.. and yet many of the employees (whether by choice or not) just sit around for a significant portion of the day. What about the programs that get funding but are worse than this one? That kind of sucks that everyday people have to pay for it.

I do like Matt thought. He's a good worker... we're kind of in the same boat except he just has more responsiblility. Which is a weird combination.

Well... I think I'm going to read my boss's emails now... UNTIL NEXT TIME BLOG WORLD

You Can't Choose

2009-07-09T19:23:00.001-07:00

Working today was strenuous but HEY I got like seven hours which is good. Tomorrow I have to be at work in Worcester by 6 (six) o'clock in the morning. I should go to bed right now. Whoa man.

Kayaking/canoeing today was super fun. I'm so happy that the most fun things don't involve spending money... other than gas $$$. I really wish parents didn't care so much sometimes. I remember Grandpa telling about the good old days when he could just pack his stuff and go on bike camp trips with his friends over night. Like what?! Imagine a kid asking such a thing from his parents these days. If parents answered questions like they were peers making plans would be 280975208 times easier. But alas, this can not be.

I never really thought I could strongly strongly dislike someone but I think I do... which kind of sucks but that's just the way my brain is working. I think people's brains just do things like that and no matter what you do it can't change. What if there was an equal and opposite occurance to "you can't choose who you love"... "you can't choose who you hate". That just sucks. And I hope it's not happening to me.

The song of the day is "Spiders" by Joakim because I'm listening to it right now and it's pretty trippy and crazy.

Everything Looks Far Away.

2009-07-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

So today was a pleasant time. Not like HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME but just very pleasant.

I was asked what the highlight of my day was today and I decided it was definitely picking blueberries at my Nana's house. David, Mom and I went out to her blueberry patch before we left and just picked blueberries and gave each other a hard time and it was so enjoyable. The most interesting part about it was how my brother and I were so much older in the still youthful environment. Back when we were lads we used to do this activity every summer. Now we've changed but the blueberry patch has stayed the same so I guess it's as close to a time machine I will probably ever get.

Yesterday afternoon I went to my brother's soccer game at the high school. I was being very a-social with my parents because I really wanted to listen to "Highlands" by Bob Dylan all the way through. They were fake mad and I just smiled and put on my father's borrowed headphones. Alright reader, sometime before you die... just listen to the whole thing... and take it in. If you hate his voice sorry but you should listen to it.

The sun is beginning to shine on me
But it's not like the sun that used to be
The party's over, and there's less and less to say
I got new eyes
Everything looks far away

Just cool.

The best part was when I trudged up the hill to the softball field, looking down on the turf and I just sat down in the tall grass. I expected it to be really wet on my BUTT since my shoes got soaked on the way up but it wasn't. That was a neat thing. I just sat up there, looking at the panorama of artificial mountains and facilities beneath the ominous clouds brewing yet another mild tempest. I though about a lot up there but I didn't really think about much at the same time. I guess I was just up there to sit. And that's what I did.

Paco/Miguel/Juan

2009-07-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've realized that my blogs have been way too long and they haven't really been going anywhere. I have simply been putting random fillers in that don't really need to be there. Maybe I'll change my mind later but that's the vibe I'm picking up now.

There were no kids signed up for the Wheels to Water Program this morning... again. However, since the woman who got me the interview in the first place works at Friendly House I was able to work in the food preparation branch today. I didn't know anyone and I had never worked there before. It was kind of uncomfortable because I wanted to work hard and the other employees, who have been working there for a week or two, didn't and I didn't want to seem like I was barging in to steal their jobs. Although there was this other awkward consistent worker who seems very nice... but awkward.

The best parts of the day were when this short disheveled Hispanic man would walk into the gym from the back door and talk to everyone happily in Spanish. I thought he was just some employee they kept around to be nice but it turns out that he just comes when he wants, hangs out for a bit and leaves on his crappy bicycle. The whole thing just really amuses me because no is sure of what his name is and most of the people he talks to don't speak Spanish... and he knows it. When two of the employees came laugh jogging into the gym telling about how they just killed a snake out back he was excitedly on their heels jabbering away about a serpiente. For the rest of the time he was there he was making all these zealous side to side arm movements at the kids like a snake.

I had the pleasure of utilizing my Spanish IV with him later on about the whole incident and it was really fun. I kind of wish I had a younger sibling who only spoke in Spanish so I could do it all the time.

What made speaking to him most interesting was that he didn't act taken aback or surprised or any more excited than he usually did that we were, more or less, on the same communicating page. I think this guy (I got names from Paco to Miguel from other unsure employees) simply likes to go places and enjoy people company. They say about Alzheimer's that though patient's abilities to comprehend sentences and literal communication dwindle, their ability to comprehend emotion is intact for much, much longer if their is any affect at all. I don't think Miguel/Paco/Juan has Alzheimer's. But it is a cool concept to just take in people's presences rather than words.

Still kind of long but whatever.

So Slow! But... So Quick!

2009-07-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

This day was incomeless. I went to East Park in Worcester (after incorrectly going to the location that was printed on the scheduling sheet), pulled up and saw my boss, two other supervisors, the city youth development head and his assistant all standing on the corner talking and pacing with odd expressions on their faces. The face that really stood out to me was my bosses'.

My boss does this really annoying thing where when she wants you to feel sorry for her she smiles really wide. It's true that this program was thrown on her lap much too recently for the date it was hoped to start on, however, Martina bitches about it so much that I don't really have much sympathy for her. The worst is when she gets into her sleeping habits. One of us would ask "Yeah I was just wondering when the final rosters were going to be given to us..." and she would respond looking the inquirer directly in the eyes in such a defensive way I would even call it offensive "well I would have doen those last night but I was working on the schedule that you guys couldn't agree on yesterday. I was really disappointed with the communication, or lack there of, yesterday. What I was asking was really very simple and you all managed to make it that much more difficult with your lack of compromise. Anyways I tried to get it done last night but the city manager wasn't picking up... I couldn't even make my kids dinner and because of it my daughter is in the hospital with malnutrition and I didn't even have time to put out a candle fire in my house and NOW my house is a pile of ashes blah blah blah blah blah blah *SMILE*" As the story goes on and on her smile gets wider and wider until by the end, when she's run out of things to say, she's just staring at you smiling. God she sucks.

So yeah maybe no job. Bummer. But it's like whatever I don't really need wealth to get by like nature is like my life and there's a connection and stuff man bro and like I had an enlightenment today it was crazy.

Nah but really money's low. Which is a pain sometimes.

BUT instead of working Joey and I went on a hike up some cliffs and... took in the view. It was really crazy kewl. There was this small body of water called Paradise Pond with a bunch of islands and would be the perfect small group adventure area for 24 full hours. The only problem would probably be park rangers. It kind of sucks how a handful of people are dumb enough to ruin gr8t times for the general populace. I'm not too sore about this though because it's just the way it is, has been and always will be.

The song of the day was "Savannah Smiles" by Okkervil River because I got hit once for talking during it. When I remembered that today... eloelevator.

Unsure Face with a Mustache

2009-07-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have such a headache!

But it's not from being dehydrated or sick or whatever. It is mos def because I did so much stuff today it was awesome. I'm going to list all the events of the day in one big long grammatically incorrect and confusing sentence. 3,2,1 go. I got up and went on a road ride (uncle Bruce as the inspiration.. but not quite 65 miles worth), mowed a lawn and listed to a new playlist, ate lunch (with mustard on it... that was a big step), READ BLOGS YOU KNOW WUT IT IZ, went on a hike with my family up Mount Wachusett, went to the Solomon pond mall with my 3 other Diehls, went to the olive garden (ate some [bread sticks] broccoli stuff with garlic and [bread sticks] alfredo... I wanted some [bread sticks] espresso but my parents didn't want to [bread sticks] pay for it), went to Jenny's fire (and HATED IT... just kidding it was actually really really nice to see everyone who was there).

It was such an eventful day. There were SO many things that I wanted to blog about today. When I was hiking my mind was working like crazy. In fact, my brain was unintentionally working twice as hard as it normally would in school. I was breaking down every bit of everything that I saw and thought about. I kind of understood how peeps like Thoreau and them were able to just write and write and write in nature. If I could have remembered all the cool things (or at least what I thought were cool things) that I thought about and wrote them down I could have filled a book. I don't mean for that to sound conceited even though it does. But seriously nature messes with city/suburban minds. It's kind of awesome.

My first day of work is tomato. I'm pretty nervous I suppose. I was thinking about wearing my aviators and just swearing a lot in the first sentence I say to the kids. But I certainly won't.

This is the best texty/typey face. :-{/
It's an unsure face with a mustache.

I just realized that I didn't really blog about that much even though I said there were tons of things I wanted to blog about. But my head hurts lay off.

Bad blog = glob.

The Game of My Global Domination

2009-07-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

This day was a fresh day. In the morn I went to Joey's and headed off to the center of Princeton to watch the Longsjoe Bicycle Classic. My uncle was racing in it and did rather well I gotta say. He's in the Master's category which is only 65 miles but he came in like 7th or 8th or something which is really really good.

My uncle is super happy with his life but holy crap I could never live like him. He graduated from Berklee School of Music for the drums. (I tell everybody this... because it's cool and a story but) In high school he was in a band called the Tombstone Blues with Mike Gordon, the bassist for Phish, and was offered to play for them. He turned it down though not because he thought it was going to flop or he wanted to do other musical ventures but because he was sinking himself into skiing. That's Bruce's deal (or DIEHL! HAHA GET IT?!) What ever he does he does it one hundred percent. Nothing else matters. He's gone from drumming, skiing, parasailing and now biking. But with each one ALL HE DOES is that thing and once he moves all he almost completely abandons the old. What a shitty way to live. Sure you'll probably be successful but that would be an instance where I would fully compromise success for diversity.

Tonight we play Risk: The Game of Global Domination. Let me tell you... I dominated the globe. Like I dominated. I realized that I have a lot of pent of competitive energy. It's really nice for me to let that out sometimes. It's not so nice for my family though. Picture me sitting eyes fixed on the board, mouth behind interlocked fingers with two nervous bouncing legs moving nonstop.

Oh yeah! Today was absolutely gorgeous. I'm really glad Jay Oh Three to the Seven, Emily, Nina and I were able to take some nice walks around the Princeton green areas and absorb the sunlighty goodness.

The song of the day is "The General Specific" by the Band of Horses.

Shingle Shatishfaction

2009-07-03T20:47:00.000-07:00

This day did not exist. Sometimes you have days that have zero importance and are kind of lame but you don't dislike them or anything. Whatever. At least I helped out around the house in the morning. It totally gave me a sense of satisfaction helping my dad by cleaning the grill and putting up new shingles on the house. Apparently work gives you that feeling sometimes? I don't know.

It would be so nice if everyone's families (including my own) went on vacation at the same time. Then we would miss each other but not just sit at home and think about how everyone who should be here isn't.

It's eleven o'clock but I'm wide awake because I just woke up from an accidental three hour nap. Sigh.

Radford Street

2009-07-02T18:22:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was so crazy everything.

I woke up extremely angry today. I was so pissed at everything. Everything I thought about and everything that made me think about things pissed me off. I was so pissed that I participated in a drag race this morning at quarter of eight going passed that Rite Aid/Drunkin Donuts. It was the hardest rain I've ever driven in but I didn't really care. We both wound up going about 59 miles per hour before that eff-er backed off and he merged behind me. It was so satisfying.

At the time it all made a whole lot of sense. Now I realize that I just had a momentary minute of insanity. I think when too much happens to your head it revolts sometimes. Then it calms down. Kind of like nationalism and revolutions.

Now I'm as happy as a clam. When things just work it's really nice. I've realized that there will always be some kind of reason to shut down something great. Always. It's just whether or not you want to let it get in the way or just be like WHATEVS DUMBSKI DGAF.

The song of the day is "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John.

I'm still kind of bummed out for one reason or another. But it's a more simple bummed out that's curable with time.

Yesterday's album of the day is Graceland by Paul Simon obvee duhski. I know it popped up in some uhhther blogs but... yeah dude it's so good.

2009-07-01T20:09:00.001-07:00

You could say I'm a happy camper.

Across the Planet for Free Ice Cream

2009-06-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

Training day at Friendly House was a very... interesting time. Going in I didn't think I was going to make any friends with the other new employees. Because of this fear and feeling of misplacement I was very alert. I even felt defensive. It was not a cold day but I was wearing a sweatshirt. Think about when you walk into a party where you don't know anyone and, to you, they like everything but the things you like. Now would you rather a plain t-shirt or a sweatshirt to go over it? Well I'd go with the mild safety of a sweatshirt. Anyways this led to that and I made a friends.... not by lunch (I had lunch by myself, eating a meat pie from a Lebanese bakery. Turns out meat pies are the worst things ever in the world ever) but I drove a girl named Nadia home!

Nadia, though we only talked briefly about her past, has had one hell of a childhood. This morning we had to break off into pairs with people we didn't know (hey! That's... EVERYONE). I was terrified for only a few seconds though because I felt a finger poke and voice say, "Hey get over here, you're my partner." Nadia has lived from Philadelphia to New York City and all around Worcester, being a foster child. She just graduated from Burncoat and is living in a Hotel on Lincoln Street with her friend. She plans on going to Quinsig for a year then hopes to transfer to Northeastern or Penn State. I have so much respect for Nadia already and admire her for the things she has had to overcome and her aspirations. In both of these senses I could never being twice as good as Nadia but I am more than okay with it.

The evening included driving to Katie Lockhart's work in Westminster with Yona and Greg to get free ice cream and laugh with Katie. Westminster is really damn far away. In fact, 83 miles round trip but totally worth the free root beer float. Katie's birth certificate says "Katie" not "Katherine". The fog was absurd on the way home. Driving home from Paxton by myself is a time that I truly cherish.

There is a song of the day and it is "Love Song" by The Dandy Warhols.

There It Is.

2009-06-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

Today was a million times better than yesterday. I went to church in the morning and, for some reason, dressed like an old man from the fifties wearing green bell bottomy pants, a while button up shirt, a maroonish cardigan and dress shoes. KEWL.

I got a banjo today! From my great uncle! It was such a pleasant surprise! But really out of tune! When I tuned it at Joey's house l8r it was really disappointing because it's really not a very good banjo. Oh well.

Going to Cafe Dolce with Emily and Joey was a really cool time. The waiter was a creep and my coffee was mediocre but still it quite fun.

This blog was a narration... sorry. I think that when blogs are narrations it tends to be when a day or experience was simply really good/pleasant/fun in an obscure way. Or maybe I just don't want to describe it on this blog. Or don't feel the need. Whatevskis.

The song of the day is "Stir It Up" by Bob Marley and the Wailers.

Yesterday.

2009-06-28T03:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday made me realize there is nothing wrong with the brain I was born with.

I want my summer to be relaxing not lazy. I want my summer to be filled with actual experiences. I don't want the summer to be some kind of spaceless period before school starts. The only good things about yesterday were mowing my own lawn and talking with my grandpa. It gave me a sense of purpose and meaning to mow the lawn and my grandpa, though we certainly disagree on many things, is a very wise man who has been taught by life maybe more than anyone else I know.

I don't like feeling boring.

I generally name my blog posts last before I post them and "Yesterday" was literally the only title I could think of. Hopefully that will give you a feel for my day yesterday.

I Need a Dime That's Top of the Line

2009-06-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

Such an excellent first day of summer. Cleaning up my room was satisfying. I also got the call today verifying my employment as that Worcester kid supervisor... which was really exciting.

Today Emily and I encountered some of the coolest strangers ever. Both of which were old ladies. At Big Y I tried to be funny by choosing Espanol as the language at the self check out but it wouldn't accept Emily's silver coin and it kept saying something (in spanish) that I couldn't understand so we called one of the old employees over. While fixing it she commented on the language setting in a little english accent saying, "it's a bit sexy isn't it?" It was really funny because I'm pretty sure she wasn't kidding.

The other funny old woman we met was the greatest. I wasn't sure how to react to her at first when she stuck her head up in Emily's face at the Friendly's line asking if she had already ordered. As we stood in line waiting for our ice cream I progressively liked Madeline more and more and progressively got more and more jealous of her mid-twenty-year-old grandchild, Casey, the longer we were in line. Some of the funny things she said were...

"Oh, Bryan, do you have a cough?" "Yeah I do, Madeline, because of staying up late for finals so much!" "Oh my well in a week you really need to have a Doctor take a look at that.... what to know what I use to cure my coughs? Martinis! I just had a few and have you heard me cough, Bryan?" "You know I haven't, Madeline!" "There you go!"

I was actually kind of sad saying goodbye to the two of them.

Today while eating mac and cheese before Friendly's I rambled about how everyone had bad things about them as well as good things, it's just a matter of overlooking the bad things and digging the good things. As much as I was sad to never be seeing Madeline again I was glad to see so much goodness radiating from her person, never to be tainted with further understanding of or revelations about her character.

One of the most beautiful things that happened to me during my day was when I was swimming in the very middle of Comet Pond at the Stuco Party. I decided to hop out of the canoe to swim for a little while Greg, Gabe, Sam and Giancarlo moved on further without me.. in boats. To try and conserve energy so I didn't drown (I was pretty close) I swam on my back, looking right up into the clouds. The sun was trying to poke through, eating away at mounds of clouds in chunks and I couldn't help but feel myself getting infinitely smaller from the whole ordeal.

The song of the day is "Badd" by the Ying Yang Twins because we found about 800 dimes today... "I'm looking for a dime".

Making Math in the Magical Moonlight

2009-06-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

My english final was harder than it should have been. Ten minutes into the exam I was disappointed in myself because I had not read the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and 90 out of the 200 points of the exam were on that darn'd book. Though I did read some of it... it was not nearly enough.

"Get up and hump yourself, Jim."

This evening was the memorial service for Mr.Ingalls. I didn't really know him that well but I was so drained by the time I left that packed auditorium. I wasn't physically tired but I don't think I can say I was emotionally tired either. There were just so many emotions in the room. Everyone was half crying half laughing and it was really overwhelming for me. The weird thing about funerals/wakes/dead people ceremonies is that everyone gets each other worked up and a lot of them forget why they're crying. If I suddenly died I don't think I would want people to come by and see my corpse pushing up daisies. I would want everyone to have a DP... only if my grandma was dancing with all my youngin' friends.

Though the service was overwhelming it was really really well done. There were some really funny stories said and I think everyone left with a better feeling about the whole thing. There was a really bad part though. There was this older kid, probably twenty two, who went up and did a musical selection. There were pieces done by a few other people scattered throughout the service but how this stooge got on the setlist I have no idea... because the sucked... really bad... at singing Into the West from Lord of the Rings. I sat with my face in my hands looking up when he was finally finished to see him taking huge gangly strides back to his seat, giving the flowered picture of Mr.Ingalls a long look, kissing his fingers, tilting his head back, outstreching his 12 foot long arms and pointing to the picture on stage. Generally I'm not that violent but oh my god I wanted to get up and clock that fool in the head so bad.

Walking to go get milk this evening I listened to what is now the song of the day... "Roland the Thompson Gunner" by Warren Zevon.

I Am Running Train on These Medieval Fools

2009-06-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

I am not going to talk about how extraordinarily tired I was yesterday... I just shuddered thinking about it.

After my examinations yesterday I went to ask Mr.Jourdain if I was going to get points deducted from my final presentation, "The Future of the Middle Class", because I went twenty seconds over the twelve minute time limit. I walked into the classroom and realized that the four people who's presentations we didn't have time for were, well... presenting! So I awkwardly sat down trying not to throw Gabe off while he talked about video games replacing classroom styling learning. It was kind of interesting but a little far fetched. Two more people had to go after that. I kind of just sat there midly interested completely forgetting about my question until I realized while sitting there I was not paying attention in the least bit. I literally wasn't taking in a word either of them were saying. For twenty minutes of my afternoon I sat in a desk afterschool and listened to, more or less, white noise.

It was the greatest thing ever. I didn't have to pay attention and I didn't. But I also didn't have to be there but I wanted to be. Sitting down at home and just sitting doesn't really happen for me. Whenever that I happens I just find myself trying to think of what to do next. The saddest part about this time was that I really can't plan to do it often. Oh well.

Sometimes I get sick of people trying to drag me into their mounds of horse shit. Luckily there are cool people in my life right now.

Pink Shirt and a Sweater Vest?

2009-06-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

I really really should not be blogging right now but I am. For some reason Chemistry is really easy right now. Tomorrow morning that will not be the case, I'm sure of it.

Today in school I was thinking about finals and midterms and any major test/examination really. I thought about how everyone leaves studying to the last minute, how they cram everything in the day before. Then I thought about Mr.Costa saying, in an attempt at wiseness, that cramming the night before and pulling an all nighter will produce worse results than if you just went to bed and got a good night sleep. I realized that was a load of crock. But not completely a load of crock. If I stayed up all night studying and burned myself out to pack my brain with knowledge I would probably wind up getting the same grade as if I studied some of it the night before and got a good night sleep. SO I was left thinking, "what would I rather?" What would seem like the obvious answer would be going to bed and getting a good night sleep but for some reason I was leaning towards staying up. I am not completely sure why... maybe it's because I want to put forth as much as I can, maybe it's because I want to be in control... Eye Dee Kay brah, Eye Dee Kay. I'm curious to see what others would do..

I had an interview for a job today. I was at the "Friendly House" on Grafton Street in Worcester. Perched on a crumbling artificial hill, the dilapidated old Friendly House reflects the neighborhood quite well. Though I felt like a fool in my pink shirt, sweater vest and old man dress shoes I was really intrigued with the environment.

This summer I will most likely be filling a position as babysitter (more or less) for ten to twelve children from Great Brook Valley between the ages of seven to twelve, keeping a watchful eye on them from the time the bus picks them up to take them to a local pool at 10:00 to when they are dropped off at the end of the day, around 5:00. I'm pretty nervous but excited. I'm also grateful they're not older. I would be uncomfortable with fifteen year olds from Great Brook Valley. I apologize if my lack of worldly experience offends anyone.

I walked to school in the rain today listening to "The 4th World" by Xavier Rudd. That was the b part of my d.

You Know What That Stands For?

2009-06-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

"AP project? You know what AP stands for, Bryan? Ass Pussy. That's how retarted that class is"

Ahhh Jon Mills. How I will chill with him this summer.

Song of the day is "I Won't Be Found" by the Tallest Man on Earth.

You Are Too Big To Hug.

2009-06-18T19:40:00.001-07:00

This day was one of the craziest in a while. I think it's really defining who I am kind of.

This is going to be a really long post.

This cloudy and silent morning, while walking to school, I thought about if right then I was notified that in one hour I would die suddenly. I thought and thought about it and came to the conclusion that I would tell David that we needed to go home right then. We would turn around and walk home. When we got home I would tell Mom that I would like to go out to breakfast because I needed to tell them something very important. Then while she got ready I would go to the computer and write a message on this blog. I'm not sure what I would say but I think it would be along the lines of thanking everyone for their impact on me, whether negative, positive or just nothing. Because everything shapes everyone.

Then I would call my father, who is in Colorado, and tell him how much I love him.

Then we would go out for breakfast. My mom would be all worried but I would tell her it's really good news that absolutely couldn't wait. We would, the three of us, go to KP's and sit down and order. I would order something like strawberry loaded french toast. It probably wouldn't get there in time but whatever. I would ask my mom what her favorite color was and I would ask David what he really wanted to be when he grew up. Then with five minutes left I would tell them how much I love them and that my family is the most important thing in the world to me.

Then I would die.

Let's get this straight. I am not suicidal or want to die or even think about death pretty ever. I don't really know why I thought about it really but it made me really love this life.

This evening I skipped the officer banquet to go to Papa Gino's with Emily, Jeff and Phoebe. It was a really good time but my mom called and screamed at me over the phone, not because she found out about Papa Gino's but that I asked if the three of them could just drive me home. My mom never yells.

When she got home I was reading my history chapter homework at the top of the stairs. It took her twenty five minutes to check on me even after her little outburst. With a looky of confusion and festering frustration she asked me what I was doing. I told her I was reading, not looking up. She asked why I was at the top of the stairs. I told her I felt like it. She asked, "what has been going on with you?" I responded with, "nothing." When she asked if I would tell her if there was something wrong I said I wouldn't.

She then proceeded to tell me that I have been acting very strange and that I don't care about anything (especially the family) and that I'm manipulative in what I do, steadily getting more angry. That I don't care about my family. It was the most hurt I've been in a long long long time. Not guilty.

Before she went to bed my mother said she was sorry about whatever was going on in my life whether it be her and dad or school or friends. She said grampy is doing much better and that she loved me very much. She then kissed my head and told me I am too big to hug. I wouldn't have liked anything more than to hug my mother.

I am terrified to be a parent. My mom is so scared.

Other than those two sentences I don't know what to say about my family right now. I'm sorry this was such a long post if you read the whole thing.

Ray Cheng

2009-06-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

The lawn needed to be mowed yesterday. So I got changed and got my mow on. While I was getting the back yard done my father decided to help me out and pick up the dog poop land mines that litter the area. I thought to myself, "You know he doesn't really need to pick up the dog crap for me. As much as it's a nice gesture, thinking about it I would probably be pretty impartial to stepping in dog crap." Literally 15 seconds later my foot found the biggest pile of d.c. it could find and fell on it. After giving my foot a shock and slightly disgusted look I actually laughed out loud.

Today was Sophomore elections for their next year as juniors. Also today at lunch ballots were open for the Freshmen to re vote on the dead tie between the class treasurer candidates Rachael E (incumbent and serious about the post) and Ray Cheng (not serious about it, awkward and kind of dumb). Ray Cheng won.

Yesterday Phoebe said how the Freshmen were all about of followers and those who weren't were too shy to say... anything (more or less?). I didn't really buy it yesterday but today I totally realized what she was saying. Kids were all of a sudden avid fans of Ray Cheng, a kid they would never even talk to, because he is awkward and asian. I was not very happy about that. Maybe it's not all of them.... but it's a 78 to 54 ratio.

We read the best poem in American Literature today called Richard Cory. It was hard for me to handle how good it was.

The song of the day is "Wedding Dress" by Samamidon. Have you ever had that feeling when you're listening to a song and it's so good your insides are moving around? I be getting that.

A Car is Sacred

2009-06-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was pulled over by a police officer. I wasn't really that nervous because I had seen the officer in the cruiser farther back road and I knew him. He walked up all official-like doing the police officer power dynamic of puffing out their chest when they step out of the car.

(Though the people I know on the force are very nice I can't help but think about how power hungry police officers tend to be. Think about people who want to be police officers. Now think about the actual jobs police officers do. They keep order in society which is good but how do they do that especially in Holden? By busting kids for smoking weed and handing out speeding tickets. Not to be a typical "fuck dah pohlice" teenager but seriously do they want to protect people are walk around town with a gun?)

He proceeded to ask me how school was and about junior year all casually then remembered to tell me that I needed an updated inspection sticker. He's a nice guy... but yeah he's a tool.

Today my Dad was making it seem like I was taking the driving exam all over again to go get an inspection sticker, running through all the cars functions and extra things. Noting my car's messiness he said something that made me cringe. "A car is sacred"

What? A car is sacred? Sometimes (a lot of the times) my father and I are not on the same page. Even if he was slightly kidding... I could tell he was kidding that much.

There is a song of the day today and it is from the movie Harold and Maude, an amazing film I saw for the first time this weekend. It is "Miles From Nowhere" by Cat Stevens.

FUCK DAH POHLICE!

56th and Wabasha

2009-06-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

As I continue to write in my new blog I realize that all the lines I come up with have to do with my life... or at least most. There's a part of me that likes that and a part of me that doesn't. The part that does is saying, "well Bryan, it's good that you're putting pieces of your life into a creative context." The other part is saying, "Bryan, these statements are tethered to moments in your life. How do you think you will ever absorb them in multiple ways?"

Today I was listening "Meet Me in the Morning" by Bob Dylan (song of the day) while I was cleaning up from a crazy one last night. I thought of Jeff (SHOUT OUT) because he always thinks about different cinematic scenarios while listening to songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo4D2fQlOyg

If this song was played in a movie under my direction two young adults would be waking up in a sunny room next to each other with sore heads but smiles on their faces. The speed at which they arise would display their quite obvious grogginess. But their wordless mouths and relaxed eyes would display their love just as obviously. Could be so great.

2009-06-10T17:33:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to say about today... or rather I have nothing I would like to say about today.

other than the fact that I have just recently started a second blog titled "Divine Lines".

Oh yeah! and yesterday Mr. Farrell called me a "sensy"... which is apparently an abbreve for sensitive. My response was somewhere along the lines of "first things first man you're fuckin with the worst, I'll be stickin pins in your head like a fuckin nurse". Thanks again Wu-Tang.

2009-06-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

This post is from last night. It didn't get published then but it's getting published now.

This evening I went to a School Committee Meeting. This evening I also realized how much I dislike being at School Committee Meetings. For some stoopid reason they decided that the Media Center at the High School was a good place to congregate and talk about DAH BUDGET. It was really interesting how the School Committee member tables took up about 75 percent of usable meeting space. The common people (or as Alexander Hamilton, America's famous elitist, might have said "the mob") were forced to place their seats in between book shelves and in the corneriest corners of the room.

I signed myself up to speak on the topic of elimination of the music/art/physical education/physical education programs in the elementary and middle schools. However, as other members of the public community spoke before me I was starting to wish I was off it a LOT. There was a long list of unexperienced speakers before me who got up with 10 minute prepared orations, each containing so much self-importance it was kind of sickening. Maybe it wasn't sickening but the whole thing just reminded me of those times when I have just finished an above-averaged-size piece of mediocre cake that had too much vanilla frosting and my obnoxious second cousin is pressuring me to eat another piece.

When I got up there I just kind of winged it. I pretty much said what I wanted to say. I was glad to leave.

Maybe I didn't like the whole thing because it was too hot in there.

I probably will not be blogging as much in the days to come because I would like to focus on my studies. Wish me luck on dat bidness.

The song of the day is Here I Come by the Roots. BLAH

Last Night, Bed Fright, Cannot Seem to Expedite

2009-06-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

I was thinking so much I became extremely thunk.

2009-06-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

I just got done with my voice recital.
Last year my voice recital was CRAP. I literally blanked on half of my words... not for a secon or two but a huge chunk of the stinking song. Making the situation ten times worse was that the accompaniment was monotonous and unyielding, providing no cover for my unbelievable failure. I would post the video my mother took of that abysmal performance but, without even viewing it, I deleted it long ago.

BUT this year went pretty well. I knew all my words. The first song I performed was titled "Schweig! Schweig! Damit Dich Niemand Warnt!" As you may have guessed this piece was in German. I tried to make it as Nazi-scary as possible since the translation goes something like...

"Keep quiet-
so that nobody can warn you!
Quiet!
The net of hell
has ensnared you!
Nothing can save you from the
abysmal fall!
Surround him, you spirits
winged with darkness;
already he bears your
gnashing chains!
Victory!
Revenge is succeeding!"

Now picture that in German... with loud deep bass voice.... sung by Hitler.

My next song was "Friend Like Me" by... the Genie in Aladdin. That was a fun recital finale.

Graham's song was awesome. Graham's most impressive vocal ability is his way of injecting tons of emotion into whatever he sings. It's really entertaining to watch and hear really.

There was a Wesley Snipes line in the movie "White Men Can't Jump" that went "Look man, you can listen to Jimi but you can't hear him. There's a difference man. Just because you're listening to him doesn't mean you're hearing him."

The song of the day is "Friend Like Me". Music by Something Menken.

Civil Obedience

2009-06-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today in Lifetime Sports we played golf. It was probably only 73 degrees out but my feet..... they were so hot. I was wearing my red vans and non-elastic business socks which was a horrible combination for lifetime sports. I asked Coach Briggs if I do the golf thang in my bare feet. He said, "sure if you want points off your average".

I honestly don't understand why the class is required to wear shoes while leisurely hitting wiffle balls around on the grass. My instinct was to disobey my teacher civilly because I felt the necessity of shoes during such an activity is a dumbski rule. For some reason, however, I did not disobey Coach Briggs. Maybe it was because I did not want it to be a hassle for him. I'm sure that he would have been annoyed if I took my shoes off. I think it's because his warning of point deduction would appear futile. But I am also almost positive that he didn't truly think the shoe policy was correct. He was just doing it so as not to get in trouble with the administration, should he get caught with one of his students shoeless.

Rules for the sake of rules are weird. There's my original teenager thought for the day.

The SONG of the day is Protect Ya Neck [Bloody Version] by the Wu-Tang Clan.

"It's the Method Man for short Mr. Meth
Movin on your left, aah!
And set it off, get it off, let it off like a gat
I wanna break full, cock me back"

....?.... BLAH

Dead Snake

2009-06-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

Somewhere around 8 years ago Melissa and I found a dead garter snake in the road just in front of my house. As you may have imagined, it got dominated by a car.... in the head actually. Being in the single digits we couldn't just walk pass such a fascinating specimen. We squatted down in the middle of the road and stared at it, intrigued. We surmised that during its life it probably didn't have a name so before the burial we named it "Gary" or something like that. We even went into my basement and got some cardboard to make a headstone.

It was a difficult service to get through, to say the least.

After that stage of the day passed we got bored decided to head down the street to Melissa's house. While walking passed one of our neighbors houses Melissa realized that she really hated that neighbor (who happened to be a girl of around the same age). She started brainstorming ways to display her hatred towards this neighbor and eventually decided to utilize Gary. We walked all the way back to Gary's grave, dug him up, walked back to the neighbor's house and hung his corse on one of their trees.

I'm very glad the thin black rubber tube I saw walking home prompted me to include this in my blog today. Only now do I realize how terrifying and disturbing this event was. In fact, walking home I thought to myself, "What a funny time in my childhood! Oh the joys of youth..." Now I question my sanity during the early days...

But seriously... What a strange way to show early hatred! I actually kind of liked the neighbor. But still... guilt by association must be held to account!

I have decided that during the summer before college seniors are completely insane in the membrane (insane in the brain). But I still love a lot of them.

The song of the day is "Kindgom Come" by Coldplay.

New Wine

2009-05-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

Meeting with the Church School Director immediately after the 8 o'clock, youth led, church service.

"Alright guys, now what is worship?"
...
"...Praying to God?"
"Okay, praying to God. Anyone else?"
"Being one with God?"
"Alright, yeahbeingonewithGod... Hannah"
"Spending time with the holy spirit"
"Good" "...yes!"
"A time to quietly reflect on the we-"
"Good! So being quiet! Excellent, Tom! Now do you guys think that that was really how we worship? ... Yes I mean an hour ago... Do you guys think we might not have been doing all the things it takes to worship? Because I saw and heard people talking just before the service started in the sanctuary ... Now this is our service alright. Youth group only gets to run worship once a year. Is this the way we want to do it?... okay good... Now do we think we can do a little better at the 10 o'clock?..... great!..."

It's at times like these where Bryan Diehl says,"Fuck church." Now let me make it clear that my resentment did not flow from moodiness as a result of a scolding because I was not talking. In fact, I was worshipping quite "correctly". I was and still am a little cheesed off that the youth group as a whole was told off for "not worshipping". If people don't want to praise God what's the big damn deal?

That particular church service certainly did not help my faith. One of my peers preached a sermon and it was a piece of crap. She said that all over the world there are different cultures, ways of life and religions and that everyone has been able to live together and understand each other for thousands of years. ... What?
Oh and my youth group director also got mad at us because the balloon decorations looked like crap. Newsflash, lady: helium doesn't stay in balloons forever.

Acts 2:1-21
All were amazed and perplexed, saying to one another, ‘What does this mean?’ But others sneered and said, ‘They are filled with new wine.’ But Peter, standing with the eleven, raised his voice and addressed them: ‘Men of Judea and all who live in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and listen to what I say. Indeed, these are not drunk, as you suppose, for it is only nine o’clock in the morning.'

That was the best part of the whole thing.

The song of this day is "Red Red Wine" by UB40.

Just/Good/Best Friends

2009-05-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

Prom was so fun. Amaryllis is the cooliest. People are so awesome and I wish some realized it more.

At Bikes not Bombs I worked as a team with Michelle to make donated bicylces more compact so they could fit on a shipping container to be sent off to developing countries. I got bicycle grease on my hipster shorts. I felt even more like a hipster because I kind of like it there.

I got a nap and slept for more than a half an hour but not a full R.E.M. so I was very tired at Youth Lead Church Service music rehearsal. Lindsay was being a real condescending jerk about the music because I had never seen it before... even though she was messing it up just as bad as me. Whatever.

Sarah made her room really cool! At her family's graduation party for her (that I practically crashed) she showed it too me. Sarah is a very talented and interesting person.

At Kate's birthday party I was such a happy camper. It was so nice to see everyone again. Plus who doesn't like lame ninties music every once in a (very long) while?

I realized that when you hang out with diverse groups you meet tons of people all the time. It seems like every week I meet somewhere around 15 new people. Even if we don't become friends or even speak to each other again it's really interesting to think of the number of people you've been introduced to. Such a crazy web... I thought about if I was good friends with all of them. It will be so impossible.

Now that I think about it... I hate the concept of "good friends", "just friends", "best friends". It's such a relative thing. I guess my criteria for friends can only be in my own head.

The song of the day is "Storm Coming" by Gnarls Barkley. It is a good one to drive to.

Sometimes the World Has a Load of Questions

2009-05-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Talking Heads: "The Great Curve"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KQjy02eqOk

Buckets of Rain

2009-05-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

This afternoon a guitar recital happened after a voice lesson. During my voice lesson Mr. Beck kept wanting to bitch about this girlfriend... or ex-girl friend. He is old but his girlfriend is young. Mr. Beck was never married but that bit of information doesn't surprise me. When he is with someone he bitches about a miniscule problem in their relationship and when the person finally breaks up with thim he bitches about not being with them. He started playing some songs he written over the years and they were painfully and overwhelmingly depressing. I asked him if he had ever (ever) written a happy song and he said no. Not one in his 40 year life, most of which he has been a musician for a living. Bill Beck is funny though. We share some laughs and a halfs.

My guitar recital was really coolio. Everyone did really well. Josh is really good at the electric guitar. He was funny because he started off and about 2 chords in stopped and said matter of factly "I'm just going to start again here" and started again. His song was tre awesome. Also my friend Jon performed a song he wrote after only playing guitar for two years which is pretty impressive since I have played guitar for much longer and have not composed a single piece.

The song I played was call "Buckets of Rain" by Bob Dylan (s o' the d... ha). A while ago I was obsessed with playing this song.

"I been meek
And hard like an oak
I seen pretty people disappear like smoke.
Friends will arrive, friends will disappear,
If you want me, honey baby,
I'll be here"

This is without a doubt one of my favorite verses in music. It's applied to a few things here and there. I think that's why people like good sad music. It's a nice feeling to hear what you're feeling in such a beautiful way.. or even better use it to express the way you're feeling by playing it. I think I'd take sadness over isolation.

S the huge FB's... in fact I do it on the D

2009-05-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

I got a call pretty late last night from Cassie. She was all "Bryan come to the beach" and I was all "Cassie I don't know" and she was all "come or I'll hate you". So I went to bed and got a call from Michelle (listed as "aaah! Michelle *heart*") and she was all "Bryan come to the beach now" and I was all "Michelle it's ten of six in the morning" (me being tired=misread of the time) and she was all "Bryan if you don't come I'll hate you". I then proceeded to wake up the rents and see if it was okay to go to the Hampton area for some beach fun.

Honestly I think my parents are some of the most unpredictable individuals when it comes to me doing stuff. Some nights I'm not allowed to go to friend's houses whom I've know forever while other days I'm allowed to... go to New Hampshire with people, most of whom they've never met before.

Anyway it was a jolly time. Generally I am a negative nancy when it comes to the beach. One of my favorite anti-beach inquiries is "why would anyone want to go lay in the dirt in front of a ton of salty fishy pooey polluted water?". However, this day was good and cool and sun burnt.

By the way my sun burn is so much worse then anyone in the whole wide WORLD world world world world

"Need You Tonight" by INXS. Play this song right now. Picture a carload of beachgoers (or leavers rather) with one adolescent's head out the window on the highway. His eyelids are half open1 as he stares apathetically at you car gliding by. His jaw is loose and his flapping cheeks scoop up the seemingly anarchic air, pouring out of it like a steady stream of hose water being sprayed into a plastic bag.

1 If you want you use your imagination picture the youth wearing fake Ray Bans. I didn't want to loose this valuble $7 accessory.

Graaaaten

2009-05-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

So today I taught church school in the morning. It wasn't REALLY teaching because since it's memorial day weekend the class attendence was down leaving me (?), Emily (funny) and Jon (terror) to merge with grades 3-6. We played a terribly funny game where the students had to match seperate parts of the Beatitudes together. Jon had no idea what he was doing so would consult a 3 foot tacky christmas decoration saying "Spooky candy cane, give me all the answers". Eventully Jon's demends got even more and more difficult for the candy cane ("give me 5 pounds of candy", "turn into a lightsaber", etc.)

Next, Sarah and I went to Groton, Massachusetts to enjoy post graduation party festivities with our boy Jon and his lovely lady, Jena. We walked on the Rail trail and concocted alternate lyrics to popular songs... for example "If I was a rich man... na na na, etc" --> "YOU IS SUCH A BITCH MAN! nah nah nah. etc." It was great fun. Then Jon gave me a shirt that said has a picture of a Native American touching a flying bald eagle in front of a killer sunset. Generally the shirts I wear are size M for medium but THIS shirt is size XXL for extra extra large. Sarah said it looks good because it's like I'm saying "dude, I don't even care."

I think it's good that I wear shirts like this sometimes. It's better to balance my lack of caring via clothes rather than oh I don't know... schoolwork.

This evening I played Nazi Zombies on XBOX 360 with Nate and Patrick and David and I'm really really really happy there are no such thing as Nazi Zombies... in the realosphere that is...

Song of the day = "Amazon" by "M.I.A" because Sarah and I jammed to it hardcore on the way home. Also one of the lines is "I was missing in action on the side of the [something, somthing]" which fit very well with the car ride because Sarah and I got extremely lost and an hour long car ride wound up taking 2 hours and $20 extra dollars in gas.

Saturmorning, day and night.

2009-05-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

This is a picture my father, Bryan, took of me on Saturmorning while I was picking up sticks at my church.

Picking up sticks was awesome because I was listening to the song of the day which is "This Ain't Living" by G. Love & Special Sauce.

On Saturday we went to Umass Amherst for my cousin's graduation party. Every single time we drive to Umass Amherst I sleep the entire car ride... so I don't know how the drive was. My cousin already obtained a job in Utah as a guide in the mountains for young adults going through the processes of rehabilitation. Super cool. His brother made fun of my shoes and told me to leave and go to a Vampire Weekend concert.

On Saturnight my scalp was soothed, my lumbar was toed and fingers were in my mouth.

Friday

2009-05-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today I was informed during last period that we have a three day weekend. Have you ever found somewhere around 50 dollars in your pocket? Well that is the way it felt...

Today was the typical school-year-winding-down day. In most all of my classes the teachers were displaying almost as much apathy towards teaching as their pupils were towards learning. In singers we watched Madagascar. The funniest line was made by a penguin flying an airplane.

The song of the day is "Waiting in Vain" by Bob Marley & the Wailers. It was playing nice and loud as I drove to Roxanne's through the beautiful weather to go to the Rail Trail by the river. Moss on the bare feet is a sensation like no other.

Africa

2009-05-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

So today was so mediocre. Despite how mediocre my day was it was not a flat line of mediocrity. That's what I love about the gauge of high school day quality. There was a near even balance of good and bad things that happened.

Singers is going to suck tomorrow because we don't know the words.
(Bad)
Alex Hughes marked up my arms with pen to get me back for all my sneak attack markings so that was funny
(believe it or not good)
Singers is going to suck tomorrow because Mrs. Berlain is a shitty director
(Bad)
Lunch today was fun because I ate half of Katie Collins' KitKat because she said I wouldn't
(Good)
I got in trouble in Spanish for wearing my sun glasses but when Nate AND Alex were wearing them they were able to have full conversations with Doctora.
(Bad)
I blew off my homework to go to a Senior Party at Jen's house...yeah I don't even care it's like whatever I don't even care I don't even care
(Good)
I blew off my homework to go to a Senior Party at Jen's house...yeah I don't even care it's like whatever I don't even care I don't even care
(Bad)
The concert was really good because Jazz did really really well and Jazz never does well
(Good)

Also during the concert the band played a piece titled "Africa". It featured enchanting rhythms section and haunting vocals by band members.

Africa is such a foreign concept to me. There is so much trouble there... so much nearly universal trouble in a whole continent. All the time I'm hearing about new attrocities committed all across the continent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMqRZ5Sfm_0

The song of the day is "Africa: Ceremony, Song and Ritual" by Robert W. Smith.

Bicycles

2009-05-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

So today I got up kind of late (around 6:50) and my dad got mad at me because I stayed up too late last night. But I got to school on time. Just before I got to the door I saw a bumper sticker on an experienced old truck with a cap over the bed. It read "Everday is an Adventure".

I wish that instead of cars everyone used bicycles and lived really close to me. If we wanted to hang out we could grab our bikes and go to the railroad tracks or just peddle over to their house. There's something pure about bicycles that I'm really very fond of. Today Jen gave me a TV on the Radio CD and I have yet to listen to it.

In singers I found out that Mr. Nerbonne's heart troubles have really flared up over the past few days. He is in the hospital and is having surgery this week. According to Ms. Jensen he will be A-okay when that's over but it's still really sad. Thomas Agamemnon Nerbonne is an asshole. But he's a really nice asshole, too. His stubbornness is really overwhelming sometimes (all the times) but that's just who he is. He doesn't have a family around here so he loves his choirs very much. Which, despite some personal discomfort, is endearing. I hope he gets better.

Hardest I laughed today: Math class at something Mr. Marshall said but I don't remember what it was.

I also really like Jen's idea of a song of the day. So today the song of the day is Te Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen because it's the song Richard Kelly uses in the very first scene when Donnie wakes up on the ridge overlooking the mountains and bike rides home in his pajamy jams.

2009-05-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

SO! Once I posted the last thing titled "This is a Post. I am a Poster." I hit view whole profile and remembered I started this in like OCTOBER! I completely forgot about that. There weren't any posts... but it sure did exist alright.

This is a Post. I am a Poster.

2009-05-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

So today I saw THREE people's blogs for the first time. It wasn't really random despite how much I wish it was so... Jeff's note prompted me to look into the subject of "blogs". When I asked Jen about them she said I should start one. She said (this is a paraphrase) they were relaxing and a good way to reflect on your day... because I don't know what happens during my days. Well I do. But I also don't. So here it is.

I watched Donnie Darko for the second time today and now I get it.