Out of commission.

It's Never/ Always Been the Same

DUDE. Vacation is so super nice. I remember reading a post by Kelsey when she was on vacation once and was like "wow that sounds really awesome. I would like to be on one of those" and now I am!

There's something about coming back to this Chatham beach house that just makes me so content and happy it almost physically hurts me. Not often am I able to just sit on the couch with nothing to do and be perfectly relaxed and happy. There's nothing pulling at me (other than AP work but I finished Death of a Salesman this morning so bite me), no pressure to go here or there, no real need to do anything. Oh my god it's awesome.

About an hour and a half ago I opted to take a walk to the beach which is about 2/3 of a mile down the road and chiggity check out the stars RATHER THAN play scrabble with my family.** When I arrived at the beach I observed how erosion had brought the waters nearly three feet from the pavement of the parking lot then walked down the shore to a more spacious area for me to lay undisturbed by other people/police occifer authority figures and where there weren't any street lights or that riffraff.

The beach is all well and good for relaxing in the sun but my favorite time to go is at night when the waves are like pleasant background conversation to the entertainment that is the stationary sky. The longer I sat there, the more my eyes adjusted to the new found darkness the more stars I was able to see. It seems the more I just sat the more things were revealed to me in general. They were laid out in front of me as I laid out in front of them and on my isolated Cape everything was just dandy, without a worry of repercussions. Cool.

**I'm going to reference another one of Kelsey's vacation posts and say that my family went to bed pissed off and tired because of stupid scrabble.. luckily I wasn't a part of it. A few years back it was my New Years Resolution to NOT play scrabble. decided I hated it that year (on the Cape actually) when I was dominating David (who is a better speller than me in the first place) at a rousing game and my Dad thought he would be a great ol' Dad to one of us and play on Dave's team. I lost that game... and Scrabble has never been the same.

Nothing is Easy

My dad has always done little projects around the house. Most of the time he says "why pay for someone else to do something you can do yourself?" but often he will admit that he enjoys, what he would call, his contribution to the family. The funny thing is that he always runs into some kind of problem along the way... pretty much without fail. He sits there and ponders a way around it. Whenever he can get my ear he will explain the situation thoroughly and finish with a pause, sigh and then say "Nothing is easy."

Though my old man acts exasperated it's clear that the extra challenge just makes the whole thing more appealing to him. It's not that he hopes for problems... he just likes solving them.. because when he does it just makes the line through the particular "to-do" more definite and meaningful (word choice? W/E).

Nothing is easy. It really is true.

My hope of the day is that I will be able to understand people better. And when I don't understand them.. to not get all mad and whatnot.

Who Knows? Not I.

I just finished Friendly House work and now I'm waiting to go do work at Main South Club. I'm listening to the song Babe I'm Gonna Leave You by Led Zeppelin. It really gets me how much I like some of these older bands. HEYO fact of the day... a large portion of Led Zeppelin's songs were not actually written by the band. They were old relatively unknown blues songs that they redid. Interesting I know. Anyways it's a beautiful song that I started learning at one point and never actually finished because I could never sing along to it. But maybe I will be able to these days. Who knows. Not I. Yet.

Grab Some Squeezing Room

It just kind of hit me that I'm going to the Cape on Saturday. That's around one week with my family in my grandparent's Chatham house, a fifteen minute walk from a secluded beach. Though I'm going to be doing a ton of AP work (I just enrolled into Literature and Composition) I am really looking forward to the whole trip. Everytime I go to the Cape I get some serious think time done which is really good.

Also my family gets along really well while we're on the cape. When I say my family I mean the immediate one. I'm kind of bummed my mom is bringing the laptop though... Sometimes I think not having this is the reason why we get along so well there. Plus my dad might have to come home and work all week if he doesn't have reception. :-{( Oh well. It would actually be quality if I could just be down there by myself for a week before or after my family gets there. For some reason I have a feeling I would be really super productive and like it. But who knows... maybe I would just sit around all day and watch TV and eat candy from the Candy Manor.

However happy I am to take this little trip.. I'm kind of sad that it's coming up so fast. I have a bad feeling I'm not going to be able to squeeze enough in before I leave. Oh well.

The Stars I Could Never Understand

I just got back from walking down the street where I was playing out a really morbid scene.

I pictured me walking down the street with my hands in my pockets thinking about this or that, staring at my growing shadow as I walked away from the street light. Naturally I would look back to see the place I have known nearly my whole life and ponder how the darkness is like an old friend trying hard to keep something from you. When I turned my head around a dark relaxed silhouette would be standing in front of me, one hand at his side another clearly pointed in my direction. Upon closer inspection I would realize it was a dark but certain handgun looking right at my chest. I wouldn't move, paralyzed by my own inability to grasp the situation that I never thought would happen 50 yards from my home. I would slowly lift my hands upright, level with my shoulders, in a submissive gesture. He would slowly move toward me, his power growing with every step but never would his face been revealed, hidden by the light of the streetlight behind him. He would say in a distant but quiet voice "Don't you say a fucking word... now I want you to put your hand into your pocket, take out your wallet and any money you have and slowly put them on the ground in front of you." It would take a second for me to process what he said but it would click and I would follow the instructions silently. After I had bent over placing my wallet on the ground gently I would lift my body upright looking at the face I could not see. For a second nothing would happen but then he would straighten the arm pinning me to the spot so that gun was pointed directly at my forehead and he would pulled the trigger putting a deathly red crater in my forehead.

I wouldn't crumple on the ground sideways. I would fall directly backwards and any remaining life left behind my eyes would be gazing up at the stars I could never understand through the fluttering leaves of an oak tree. And the man would stoop over, pick up my wallet and jog into the woods from whence he came.. away to a life no one would ever think had anything to do with mine.

That kind of freaked me out. But more made me say whoa. Because anything can happen in this life. Sorry if this weirded people out.. I almost didn't post this but why not share my dark imagination?

Not None Good

I have been pretty happy today. I think some people are just supposed to be friends and when they're not it's just no good.

I've come to really like Futuresex/ Lovesounds.

Yesterday I went on a hike with George for like... 4 hours. It was really nice. George has a lot to say about things and can be very eloquent with his words. He is also a good guy. That is that.

The song of the day is Coffee, God and Cigarettes by Mischief Brew. It's really catchy and yeah it's really catchy.